#128 - Why do people like me write?

Because there's no sedition law here that results in my wrists being sliced off.

On a more serious note, I always have this thought pass my mind; whether it's a small lingering thought I always tuck in the back of my mind to forget in the business that is life. And everyone writes for joy, I would like to think. If I had about one reader that was me, I would still enjoy posting (which might happen if vox lures me back again).

I know that my blog has often been victim to my crazy women problem related mood swings, irrational hatred and what may classify me as "the biggest annoying bitch who will never let go about Chris fucking Pronger or the Ottawa Senators". But I like to think of when this blog started a little less than a year ago as... much happier times. Sure it was post playoff season, I was optimistic and I believed that Ryan Smyth would bring our Oilers to the gods of hockey (Dad, these are the Oilers. Oilers, this is God). I think it was my naivete which helped fuel my writing.

Nonetheless, I am a product of what many love to classify as some sort of degenerate generation. It's funny that I grew up on books and all the traditional novelties that wear off later in life. I have a silly memory of writing my first story on Word as a small child. I did not understand why "builded" was not an acceptable word. As I grew up later in life, I always have things to enjoy: musicals, old movies, video games, trashy smut romance and whatever falls my way. I latch onto each obsession enthusiastically. And sport, despite my somehow complete attachment to it now, never happened intentionally. It was an accident which is now burnt into my very heart next to the words "Clive fucking Owen".

Why hockey? I mean, truly, why? I can't provide any answer to it. However when I started my little naive vox account, posting away like a madwoman possessed, I met people like Sherry and Hockeygirl and the kindest Thrashers fan, all who were the base reason of why I believe in all hockey fans. I started the HLOG not as a female crusade to right the wrongs and fix the pigheaded fans (who I never believed really existed till I saw them myself). I started it as a homebase where each fan can eventually communicate - I felt that there wasn't enough comraderie in the hockey blogging world between some fans or so(something which I felt a group blog would ultimately fix or at least face without any fear). It was the peace offering to my friendship to all the lovely people I have met there. Many come with the enthusiasm and wit that I can only dream for. And I feel glad that the excitement is reciprocated.

Why hockey? I guess the HLOG is only a reason why my writings were constantly propelled by hockey. I must re-inform readers (or web bots) that my weakest subject throughout class was probably english. I knew why I got a good or bad mark on a maths or science test. But even now I can only get a vague idea or merely shake my head around the complexities of why english and essays are some kind of joined at the hip twin I will never escape.

To me this blog never serves as an argument; an index of articles which display my thoughts like a transparent sheet. Rather it is an accumulation of thoughts, of emotions and memories that somewhat honestly clock what I write through my clumsy incoherent thoughts. Next year I will laugh at what I say (which includes "STFU PRONGER") and then I will start anew every year. I am always praying to god that my writing can improve, that one day it will be decadently awesome and yes "Vogue called, they want you to write full time". I know I will never be a writer - it's still a childish dream that will never happen because I lack the professionalism, the sophistication and oh yes - possibly the natural talent that comes with most eager writers. There is somewhat a fantasy that comes with this blog, that I can write what I want and feel satisfied because it sits there like the written word (whereas a private diary always feels lame).

Either way, it's somewhat blurry what I want to grasp with this post. But you can't stop me posting - hockey porn or otherwise.