Holy shit!

Poking around in forums has helped me find the best Habs shift chart stats website ever. God. I think I just did an overwhelming squee.

Seriously, it's that hot.

ARRGHHHHHH

DO IT TO HIM SMITH! DO IT!

Shit the Leafs are now better than us. So are the Islanders.

I think I'll go watch My Name is Earl now.

PS. Fuck the other teams.

Poor useless Sammy

The current state of the Montreal Canadiens fanbase.

Thanks HG for telling me, because we all know that after Sammy scored his goal he looked at the screen and just screamed "JOOOOOORDDDIIIII!!!!!"

Or "WHOOOO!". Whatever seems more plausible. Whatever. He knows he loves me!

Damn this slump, apparently me not knowing the scores till after its finished still isn't working. Work is brutal and the postman thinks my dad's an alcoholic. Not to mention my insanity has made me name the local video store guy Daniel Briere. (What!? He looks like him! Kinda! On the side in pale light!) The only problem is that the video guy doesn't immediately dive when I see him, which is different from the regular Briere. That and he doesn't speak French. Or play hockey.

We'll see.

Anyway can I try thinking about a team that's actually winning? (insert images of Nazzy looking as cute as a button)

Fuck Valentine's Day

Fuck the Devils. They wear red. Valentine's. Red. FUCK THEM. AND VALENTINE'S DAY.

Not to mention Huey is hurt and sad.

However I'd like to thank Margee for cheering me up with her amazing narratives and the love story of my dreams:

You're sitting at the semi-finals of the Australian Open. It's a tense match-up of Fernando Gonzalez and Andy Roddick. Each has two sets, the court is sultry hot, and the crowd, largely, is on Roddick's side. But you stand, defiant as ever, and boo the rat-faced Roddick's every move and cheer every stroke of Gonzalez. As Roddick ties the sets at three, you stand and wail about how he broke Mandy Moore's heart. You notice another voice joining your chorus. In fact, you've noticed this voice joining you throughout the day. You decide to see just who your fellow fan is. You turn around and see, three rows back, a short, cherubic guy with simian features. He almost looks like... no, it can't be. You have to go to the bathroom and Roddick has just issued a line challenge, so you decide to head to the ladies' room. You feel like you're being watched as you ascend the stadium stairs. The crowd starts cheering, so out of instinct, you turn to boo the call that Roddick has just presumably gotten and you run head first into the chunky-monkey Gonzalez fan. He grins at you with a lupine smile. It is Sergei Samsonov! He says that he couldn't help but notice that you're a Gonzalez fan. You admit that you are as he starts walking with you. He explains that he loves tennis. And loves an underdog. In fact, he himself has always felt like an underdog. Like he doesn't have true fans. He says that he admires your devotion to Gonzalez. He wishes he could have a fan like that. Your eyes brim with tears as you unbutton your jacket, revealing a Canadiens jersey. You turn you back to him to reveal the name: "Samsonov." He takes you by the shoulders and pulls you close. As Gonzalez wins on the court outside, you and Sammy are love-love by the food court.

Unfortunately the last bit is kind of creepy but it's alright, Sammy probably loves creepy.

And since everyone loves sharing photos. I was cleaning out my laptop (it's getting replaced). Here's a photo of one of my friends on a trip to Sydney.
Okay she'll probably kill me once she finds out I did this but hey, I doubt she will. Oh and she's single. Eh? Eh?

Anyway to continue the randomness; where I actually don't like posting pictures of me, here's that Japanese exchange kid who came in 2005 and attended the world's most boring athletics event held in our school.


Yes I'm using this to substitute actual Habs content. HAH!

My sister didn't like it.

It's amazing, but too short for each segment. I still love Joe Thornton's chocolate kleptomania, Crosby's fairly forced reaction and the little trolley race. All good things. But somehow part of the magic is knowing that they're the hockey players and that they have all happily agreed to film a silly promotion. Does it make you want to see hockey as an outsider? Well this one seems to have come up short for my sister. I'm sure the Ovechkin chip commercial might get a laugh out of her and the Sedin one made her smile a bit. But it seems that these ads seem to come in the same vein of the Nike advertisements almost mimicking the playful nature but hasn't exactly hit the laugh out loud moments you get in the Nike commercials.

I'm not going to claim that I know the real solution to marketing hockey to first time goers or naysayers. I know the Nike advertising seems to be a genius at all kinds of ads, pushing the right buttons. I'm slowly holding out hope that one day Nike will go all in and setup an ice rink on a boat and have a 4 on 4 deathmatch with Superstars.

The why of Saku Koivu.

The Canadiens are down, everyone is panicking. And almost as if on cue, fans are doubting each other. Mini-Nazzy aka Saku Koivu is thrown into the spotlight. I guess it was this article that really lit the fire, snowballing all doubt and solidifying the case that our dear captain Saks was treading on verrry shaky ground. However as I stew this over, I somehow have realised how close it was for us not to even have this dilemma.

Why was it that Koivu didn't start the players meeting? Is the reason that he dons the C that holds him more responsible for the Canadiens' recent slump? Why is his own slump so troublesome?

I want to argue that Koivu's slump does not make him less worthy of his C. But it's really problematic, I can't demand that Koivu is a natural scorer any longer. That dried up already. But I want to say that Koivu's C has brought something to the team that is irreplacable. His departure, if it happens, will sadden me greatly and will no doubt dampen the team.

Well the thing is, Koivu's C didn't come directly from something he did. It was tossed into the pit, with him emerging as the first taker. That's what I gather, please happily correct me if I'm wrong. As a captain, one expects many things from him. He is to support the team, be the pillar of light when it is down. Additionally he is to capitalise on chances and to produce. Wait, I'm onto something. Produce. Produce. Produce.

I used to think that Koivu's captaincy was unquestioned. However since this has happened, I'm kind of struggling with producing an answer why it is anymore. Because when one can not back it up with anecdotal or statistical evidence, it all falls down on his battle with cancer. Everyone knows his battle with cancer. There are stories, photos, memories of a man who has battled back from something impossible. It's all too easy to actually think he never had this since he has been playing like ever average player earning 4.75 million - badly. He was however, playing quite nicely. He was the only constant in the inconsistency of our Habs.

I know it's a bit strange for me to write such a soppy post without a strong reason. And well, I do have a reason. Today at work a lady talked to me about her father who had passed away last week from bowel cancer. She was amazingly honest with her feelings, and maybe she felt that she needed to make her peace with it as well. To her, she felt that the biggest fact that she had to cope with was the sudden absence if someone so prominent in her life. However as insensitive as I am, I thought about Koivu's own struggle with his demons.

As silly as it seems to some fans, Koivu had a very very high chance to never return to hockey. 50% chance of dying with an extremely severe and rare disease - that's not very good odds. Combine that with the knowledge that all the treatments you take could actually destroy your physical state. I'm still surprised that he managed to even skate for his team afterwards.

In my mind, it raged throughout the concept of a Canadiens team without Koivu. Who would be the captain then? Souray? Begin? Rivet? Hell, who was going to center the first line? Who was the man who would answer the media questions, back every player up and provide tactile answers for the wolves?

If Koivu weren't chosen for his skills, I would easily assume that he is a passive leader. You don't need a vocal man, any old chump can scream to become a leader. Is Darcy "Mother" Tucker a leader? Sean Avery? As fans, we are barely privy to what happens behind closed doors. To those who scream why Koivu is not immediately stripped of his C - I'd like to point out that crazy Carbonneau has every right and ability to do so. I think that if Koivu did not provide such an impact to the team, the C would easily float to Souray, whose antics seem to sound like it but to me does not spell the C. If powerplay goals and points were what made a captain, I would think that Ovechkin would get a C easy peasy. Can't speak English? Who cares. What matters to fans are points and goals.

I concluded that it is somewhat chilling to think that there could've been someone else skating in Koivu's position. It seems unthinkable to do so. But it seems horribly naive to think that Koivu has not earned the C to me. He earned it years ago. And rather than the C must be awarded to a man with points, one could consider that Koivu needs this C. The C has been elevated to such a high position because of Koivu's own expectations that he created for us fans. A Koivu-less Canadiens may be interesting to watch, maybe we can create or welcome a new superstar. But I would never, ever, allow anyone to mock Koivu's own struggles. He could act like a douche for all he wants, but noone would wish a career-ending injury. It's somewhat so distant to believe that it has almost happened, several times.

DON'T ANALOG STICK HEMSKY! L1 IT!!!

Gee your Habs are losing quite a lot? Is that why you dont post?

To be honest, I don't really think so. Since the creation of this thing, I've mustered close to a post a day. In fact during my hellish days of "the most important exams kthx" I managed to post 22 days in November. (Don't be like me kids, stay in school and dont try hockey and blogging and alcohol) The most I've posted is 31 posts in October. I think I'm on my way to breaking my record this month.

Nonetheless if it isn't Habs losses then what the hell is it? My dears, meet [title to be decided], my trusty new friend.

(Crazy soccer men not included)

Okay it's a TV. Wow. Everyone has one (though some don't). However you don't understand the old guy. Imagine the age of Ed Belfour combined with Dan Cloutier's... well... Dan Cloutier.

Well old guy is sitting on the ground, new guy is in. It is FUGE. I'm afraid to hug it in case it shrinks overnight or may explode from awesomeness.

Now combine this with the other New Love.

(taken before the new TV was installed and yes that is Chris Pronger! Boooooo!)

My sister had come back from holidays last month overseas, her peace offering to me was a NHL07 game. It's funny really, I never ever played these games before. I hate these games actually. Why not go to a real game? See the real things? I've played a whole lot of PS2 games (damn it Jordi! There goes your big secret! I as well have an Xbox, a PSP and a DSLite. And if you count the original PSX then that too. They're family investments.) but sports games were never part of my to do list.

First impressions?

• I know that there are not as many fans in the stands in Jersey! Stop trying to trick me!
• I love my Samsonov being happy and all but him smiling in this game is kind of... creepy
• Pronger is still a total douche
• I had Rory Fitzpatrick score on me LOL.
  

After fiddling it a bit. After realising that shoot was the L1 button and not the R1 ("You're a total idiot" -- my sister), I figured out the game and played it on beginners mode in Oilers silks against the hated Calgary Flames.

It blew my mind.

I've concluded that I can beat any old chump at this game. Hell Brad & Vinny come to my house and I'll beat your asses! However before you guys start issuing me challenges ("You - Me. Parking Lot. 6pm. Bring the Jets Gang and we'll duke it out West Side Story style") I have to ask that I be allowed to break your thumbs and tie one of your arms behind your back. Beginner's mode is awesome. So awesome that I will never put the difficulty higher.

Yeah it gets boring sometimes, but I see the point of the game this way - never allow the other team to score and it'll be awesome. My biggest achievement is destroying Vesa Toskala's GAA to a crazy 25. Whereas the Edmonton Oilers regularly destroy Miika Kiprusoff and the sad losers at 25-3.

But the buzz of it? Yeah it's pretty darn good. One day I'll get to putting the difficulty higher but I enjoy obliterating every team in the league. Take that Staal! You were always a fucker Phaneuf! I will crush you Comrie! I've pretty much gotten into it. I scream a big "FUCK!" when the team scores at me and even call each player who caused a penalty to me as a pansy. My dad has recently come to terms with my obsession. He knows my hockey thing's for real. (We were watching My Name is Earl one day and they were playing "motel hockey" where my Dad suddenly said "Ah, Jordi's favourite sport".)

That's the magic of it. These are little miniature pixel players under your control. It's a time when Marc Andre Bergeron is not a pylon and is scoring goals. Sergei Samsonov (for some reason is still on the team) is leading the team in goals and Horcoff and his not so flash face is already on a career high. Hemsky and Sammy are throwing checks and I've managed double hattricks for some players.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah the new TV and this game. It is fucking awesome. I mean I don't know how to describe it anymore. I seem to flip the TV more often now that it's a) big and b) there's a PS2 attached. I know a lot of people have their complaints but damn I don't know anything about these games. If they let me pass time and have fun I think they've already served their purpose.

Unfortunately I do have a few teeny complaints - very little - I mean I'm playing it on beginner's it can't be that horrible.

• The goalie has the AI of a lemming. I want a shutout but it seems more obvious that I'll have to block most of the shots considering the goalie is obviously not there to do it. Additionally Roenick lighting the lamp with a slapshot at the blueline? Unfucking-believable.
  Another complaint is the fact that I can't seem to throw the goalies against the ice when they're out of their crease.
  
• The players seem a little outdated. I mean some players seem to be already swapped around but the magic of Ulanov was long gone. Not that I'm complaining that my chunky monkey's still an Oiler
  
• I know you can't always have fluid reactions of what you do but it sometimes feels like it doesn't register some buttons or have them happen a little too late. Additionally it has the ability to make the Ducks feel more like a douche.
• I'd like to thank them for leaving the Canes and Sidney Crosby out of the introduction. I enjoyed it very muchly. Not good on showing Hemsky receiving a huge open-ice check though. I don't want my Hemmer to suffer from that.

Jordi's rating? Oh I haven't figured out everything but it seems pretty simple so far. I am ever so tempted to buy NHL07 JUST for the PSP and play THAT when I am at university. However I've decided not to waste my money.

The final score: 4 bad rock songs (which are helpfully playing in the background 99.9991% of the time) outof 5

As a closing note: FUCK OILERS WIN DAMN IT WIN!

Edit: I have left out the most important note of this post. My sister and I are investing into cable for our TV. I will die for the sports channel. 2 lacklustre US teams a week? On high def quality? I will be complete.

Canadiens: Radio style

Announcer: VOLCHENKOV! VOLCHENKOV! VOLCHENKOV!

What team do I go for again?