#136 - Why Jordi hates stupid fucks.

I'll keep it short and simple. I've never really tried to be the shining beacon of light for female hockey fandom in this blog; this blog really helped me vent out the ridiculous things and focus on the minute aspects that really stand out to me as an awkward fan (AKA I say some pretty ridiculous things which seems to convince my friends that they don't want to see me smashed).

When I read the hlog post on Elliott's own predicament, it did infuriate me a little. It's a little strange really, I feel lucky that any friend who speaks sports with me respects my opinion. I'm going to be a play a little Devil's Advocate - don't hurt me but I'm going to pour my heart out here. But a serious-minded female fan in my opinion is either seen as one or another: a sexless devotee or a kind of spectacle. I can't explain or speak for most women, because what worries me further is that a female sports fan must speak in the tongue which is commonly accepted. What I really mean is that most writers who openly state their female status have to talk in a somewhat childish manner which will give away further that she is in love with only the aspect of being in love with the sport. We should only talk about the partying, "oh a hockey game is fun because you know, it's long enough for a date but short enough to blow someone off early" should reprise often in our prose along with "A is hot but B's goals made him hotter. I love my team!". And no one will take you too seriously, you have fun which is always a good thing in sports. But you're in a safe position, no one will criticise you for caring too much.

And let me belt out a cliche, it's okay to write what we feel - but never what we see. Case in point: I hope Koivu scores 3 goals! versus Souray just did a stupid giveaway in the third period for the last goal. The former tends to be received better than the others.

But if you want to talk with an air of investigation, talk the actual core being of a sports team - slow down missy you're going too fast. We shouldn't be talking about prospects and the draft without people wondering whether we thought of it on our back with one of the players. If you personally see some talent in a player - it's got to be because you are attracted to him. And to be honest, females talking real hockey seems almost threatening in a sense. I don't mean it as in "oh no who's gonna make the sandwiches now!?" but rather a somewhat hostile response if you speak differently. No one will take heed of your argument really - even if they eat crow in the end.

But essentially when you say something which can be debated, as Elliott's predictions did - the uglies come out. Certain kinds of fans try to pretend that they are not prejudiced or misogynistic by attempting to speak objectively, but they're really merely hiding their ignorance until they can reveal it from an advantageous position. The truth with most of those fans is that they'll never take you seriously because of your whole gender. You can't critique a player's own skill (unless that's the common trend) without being overlooked or attacked with an abundance of misleading fallacies. You can't understand what it is to face a pro-level (which leads you to believe that professional sports are only a struggle for males and never for females because *cough* the talent pool is smaller? [really this sounds absurd for me to be saying this but people do believe it... And it makes perfect sense to them]) or see what a coach sees. You have too many attributes that make you emotional, unable to make rational decisions and as well you're a female - they're men. It's not absurd for women to not care about the other part of the team because they aren't attractive but it's a lot more absurd for male fans to blindly follow the player with the highest points or hype without looking at the overall gameplay (of course they play well, they have so many numbers!).

In short what I guess I want to say is that female fans can only be seen as a non-threatening bunch of girls who like to squeal and cheer and paint our faces. However female fans who argue and debate are often seen as a rare bunch but as well so rare that if someone under the guise of an actual serious fan emerges, they're a female and most female fans don't care about people not named Crosby, Ovie or Pyatt - so what's the harm in seeing your opinion as something irrelevant and inferior? If you make a sexual comment, it merely enforces that you're just a simple minded fan. I want to stamp my feet and get mad but apparently that's just taking things too far. So yeah, fuck you all who think being a female or acting like one is a vice and is mutually exclusive from actual sports debates.

More fun reads? This CDC forum thread.

In other news aka Jordi land, we went to karaoke for a friend's birthday but ran out of time to sing Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. I did manage Sweet Caroline though!

#135 - What the fuck?

I dreamt Trevor Linden was a firefighter and died a hero.

Note to self: Get more sleep. And uh, those Canucks fans are really getting to you.

#134 - Meet Mikey K.

#133 - You try to drag me into your bohemian dancing.

I have a request for y'all. You see ever since I took my break to "catch up" on the world known as real life, I have become hideously broke. I had a good amount in my bank account which disapeared because of the peril of CDs. I swear, I'm sitting reading a magazine and suddenly I'm compiling a new list of CDs I want. I don't know why there always seems to be something I want and dont have!

So please please if you see me do the following:

• Buy CDs
• Order coffee
• Buy extremely overpriced waffles

STOP ME.

I'm serious here. If you ever see Jordi in the Melbourne CBD area, stop her. She's not hard to spot, she's the short Asian whose style of shopping involves her running up and down in a fairly suspicious manner. Fax my photo to my favourite stores, just for the love of God - I need to stop spending money before I end up giving some chump sweet loving on the corner for a couple of bucks.

I am living off 50 dollars right now until I get work in a couple of days (I'm going out on Friday which is why it's so precious). I never actually knew self restraint was this fucking hard.

On a lighter note, what's a great name for a new laptop?

#132 - DAMN JORDI.

Malkin: "Oh baby, I'd run away from the Russian Super League just to be with you"

Crosby: "I wish I could quit you!"

#131 - Canuck Boyfriend #2

You're standing outside the Canucks change room in Anaheim after they gave away their final deciding game. You can feel the sadness that plagues everyone. You feel grief for the loss; nervous about the imminent meeting.

Just when you think that he's pissed off and gone on the bus home, he shows up.

Oh I'm so sorry Willie. you hold his arm emphatically, unsure of what is to come.

He is surprisingly chipper. He tells you he found the best restaurant around here.

But... The loss, I'm sure you don't want to have to do this. You hold him, even though you want to hold him so close that a ref would whistle you down. You know that at this angle you'd be suspended for exactly one game and he would probably threaten to knock you OUT! OUT!

No way, You won't believe what I did to Kunitz. The bastard wont get far after what I did to his fucking motor. He jovially places your hand in the crook of his arm in a gentleman like manner.

You realise the man you fell in love with. And you find the motor-pinching so sexy that you guys want to make out in the Honda Center right now.

#130 - Rise and shine all you gold digging mothers, are you too good to tango with the poor poor boys?

Rant time. Pull up a chair, it wont be too long. A) It's about Pronger and B) it's not very nice.

I know, my sister knows and my aunt knows that I despise Pronger. If I needed to build a short term team to take down Gary Bettman, then fine - I'll take Pronger. He's a good player and I am actually scared of him when the Oilers get a little cocky and Lupul decides he's superman. If the Ducks win the Cup, we'll have to write down this season as the season that never happened. But hey, they're allowed to have the Cup because *yawn* I forgot if you're meant to pee in it or drink from it.

Either way, Pronger may be the fucking bane of all hockey order. Here us ladies at the HLOG may paint our toenails and go "oh yeah Hockey players can be real, more kind and down to earth than those nasty baseballers". Well girls, Pronger puts us all to shame.

I know Pronger sympathisers like to tell us Oiler fans that we're jealous, "oh you'll be singing a different tune if you had him back". But he's lucky he plays well overall because his attitude fricken sucks. It's not that he wanted to leave the town, honestly, it's because he still felt he did something right by running away to Mexico. He likes to claim that the fans are overreacting, the media likes to embellish and that he didn't sleep with her, he merely "romanced" her. In the end, he justifies himself by saying that oh yeah he did do some bad things but you know what other people did was worse. It's not fair that he was put in the limelight for making a public announcement. It wasn't fair that by saying it was a personal and family reason that the media insinuated a family drama. Pronger has only made himself out to be a coward. It's a pity that the gutless man loves the spotlight, he loves people listening to him. And he's convinced by jumping into the spotlight, he'll put the case to rest. Even if he has to remind the media that he has the last say EVERY FRICKEN MONTH (don't make me dig out that article in the offseason where he reminds the media that "hey I'm in the OC now!")

And now? I'm absolutely not surprised that he has not changed at all. He's practically begging the question by going "The league should make its own calls, not be pressured into anything by the media, and more to the point, the Canadian media". Oh he didn't hit the guy from behind, the refs just had something against him. Oh and Canada. Maybe a scorned Christie Chorley is sitting in the video judging area going "That's the guy!".

Why he shits me up the wall is something that can go for pages and pages - I could write a 1000 word essay on why everytime Pronger opens his mouth, God kills a child. He literally fills me with fury that a guy like this still gets admiration and adoration from children.

If Pronger smartens up, I'll forgive him. But I'd rather have a full apology first. Not "yeah I did something bad but I was in a bad decision" roundabout self righteous implication - an actual apology with mutha fucking tears. And at the end I scream "A LITTLE TOO LATE!" and I brain him with a pen.